unsettled

Life marches on as I flounder for a topic or a purpose. I could make this really big or really little.  A life crisis or a bad Sunday? Low energy and still a little slow with my sore back.  Hot flashes are adding insult to injury.

I could be meditative- a breeze is making the buttercups in the field sway and a cranberry bush by the house is fluttering with white blooms. Crickets and birds are in the background.

The weather has been changeable: sunny, then dark and cloudy enough to turn the lights on. Gotta go with it, but it’s adding to my unsettledness.

Car shopping probably didn’t help either! The first dealership the salesman was older and fairly low-key, perhaps disinterested or tired after a long day. Having him drive with me made me feel like I was 16 and in driver’s ed.

 Concentrating on driving an unfamiliar car didn’t really give me a chance to look around and see if I liked either of the two models I drove. Or which I liked more. But I was dutifully trying to remember all the things “Kevin” told me. About engine sizes, suspensions, torque….

The next salesman was “Charlie” and young, with a license plate stuck in the back of his pinstriped pants. He talked way too much and had pretty bad one-liners in between information about the car model.

The thing is after driving 4 different cars I’m really not sure what I want.  I’ve done too much research and that doesn’t always help make a decision. Maybe I can ignore the rattles in my 9 year old car a little bit longer.

I appreciate the irony that buying something stresses me out, whereas most ads try to present buying something as a feel good experience. I’m the kind of person who’s happiest not changing my car, house, or clothes. Which works till things wear out.

Perhaps a canoe ride will balance out the weekend, close by in our 25 year old Old Town 18 footer. What a relic that is! Time to take control of the last bits of the weekend.